Over a year ago while making extra money in a nursing home I was careened into by a resident, hurting my hip so badly I limped the rest of the day, dragging my leg behind me like Igor and spent one precious hour with an ice-pack on me trying to get through work.
I should have quit then, I should have gone for workman’s comp but I was told it was nothing more than a slipped disc. It was not. I was in excruciating pain up until last month unable to work on my feet, I decided to give ho’oponopono a shot. I put on some music I like to use for meditation. I lay there imagining the army of people who lack empathy in my past and even my younger selves (that was JJs idea to talk to younger selves) and repeat the phrases.
It broke me emotionally. I sobbed for three years just repenting to the universe for putting any negative energy out there rather than simply confronting the ones that hurt me and defending myself. I had been hurting myself. Alice falling down the rabbit hole in shock over a revelation who some people I had loved deeply being not so for my wellbeing after all.
The hours sobbing literally unlocked my stiff hip. I had been unable to bend my knee without help, getting dressed was a challenge all year. Every time I put pants on there was a sharp sting and an intake of breath trying to keep from lowering my vibes by screaming in pain and wallowing in self pity.
I felt a warmth on my right hip joint during this meditation session and afterwards I could put my right ankle on my left knee, I could paint my toenails without wincing, I could even do most of my beloved pilates and yoga moves when just the day before, bending was painful.
Last night and today, I managed to walk three miles using an indoor tape I put on silent and like to pace to like a caged tiger.
Just watching them keeps me going. I imagine them saying “Come on bitch, just one more mile, you can do it!” and I crank Pink, showtunes, hard-rock, punk.. anything. But Pink really gets me off my ass and hyper to run around.
I was hopping through part of it but cardio is cardio and if I ever want to heal, I have to do whatever it takes to lose the rest of the tummy a miscarriage three years ago put on me. I have to work out several hours a day to be my normal size, with a hip injury it delayed me some despite eating like a health-nut 90 percent of the time.
Yep, this is me. I only look like I do in our videos because of magical Iphone powers.
Hormone imbalances are nothing to mock people. But then again if you have to mock how someone looks, you have bigger issues than their health.
No well-adjusted and sane adult makes fun of how others look or tries to keep them down.
A truth few really grasp.
I had been going crazy taking it easy per doctors orders and being unable to work on my feet but I have determined deep breathing, ho’oponopono, inner work and anything else I can to make walking hurt less that one day I might be able to dance pole and spar once more.